Tuesday, April 24, 2007
What’s love got to do with it?
Current mood: relieved
Category: Romance and Relationships
What are we to do? Where are we to go? When you feel so overwhelmed by love, life and the pursuit of it all? I’m so stuck right now…in some sort of time continuum, watching my life from the outside in, circling circling. I am beginning to deflate under the pressure of life…my wonderful and amazing life. As I crunched numbers ALL DAY I felt so inadequate and weak. Weak from constantly trying to play catch up. Inadequate because I feel that Jeremy deserves so much better than I–in a wife and a bookeeper. He races all over, literally holding our family financially afloat, while I ride in the life boat trying to steer through the dense wet fog. Just when I am confident and relieved to have found land, upon closer investigation the mass is really a sharp, cold and massive rock; just sitting there awaiting my arrival. Jeremy can’t see where we’re going…his job is to get us there. My job is to steer…steer our business, steer our financial decisions, steer our children, and steer our home. All while attempting to make my way through the thick cloud and avoid the cutting reality of sharp rocks. I get frustrated, I feel lonely, I fight the voices and I thank God as often as I remember to. Thank Him that I am indeed riding in the life boat. Thank Him for blessing me with a man who will hold us up, no matter how much or how often the waves swell. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be cared for–in spite of me pushing to care for myself. I thank God that I am writing this possibly meaningless blog, while my husband is out slaying dragons for me. And I am especially thankful that my man would indeed swim across shark infested waters to bring me a Diet Dr Pepper.