18 years, 4 months, 3 days

I don’t normally remember until at least midday.  I can be sitting in front of my computer all day, writing checks, invoicing customers and generating receivables and payables.  All of these things include seeing the date many, many times.  Because we got married at Christmas time, we celebrated our anniversary on Valentine’s Day weekend.  Both of us were guilty of not remembering, and neither of us cared.  There were even times when we realized our anniversary had passed, and instantly called the other as soon as we recognized our faux pas.  Oops.

Today was different.  I recognized the upcoming date a few days into December.  I’ve been waiting for it to come; and for it to pass.  I held my tears, kept busy and felt like I had eaten a giant stone all day.  You know that feeling, when you’re not hungry or thirsty but know you should eat?  Drink water?  Fill your already full gut?

Today would have been 19 years.  Once upon a time, it felt like such an accomplishment and a massive blessing.  Now, it feels like we didn’t even have a chance.  What’s 18 years, 4 months and 3 days in the scope of forever?  How is it possible I don’t have forever with the man who gave of himself daily?  Forever didn’t last very long.

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One thought on “18 years, 4 months, 3 days

  1. There are no words of comfort I can offer you today. Losing a life’s partner is hard. Remembering special days is hard. But what I can say is that you will find the sun comes out from time to time. Life will never be the same but there can be good times in the difference. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Never apologise for grieving. It is your journey and you need to travel it your way. But also, never feel guilty when you find something to laugh about. Our loved ones who are no longer with us still love us and would not want to see us turning our back on laughter, especially when there are children involved. I pray that you will be able to laugh with your family again in due time. God bless you.

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