My grandpa is dying.  As I write this, he is literally suffocating to death.  I want so badly to be with him, but also know it will not benefit him.  We got to spend last weekend there, lying in bed with him, listening to his funny stories, and just being in his presence.  I have to believe that was sufficient.  I have to remind myself that my first priority is caring for my kids and husband – not sitting with Gpa for an undetermined amount of time while he withers away.

I want him to go.  I want him to feel the joy and the happiness that must accompany being freed from his broken body.  He is suffering from emphysema, a nasty disease that causes your airways to contract.  Because he smoked for 40 years (like a chimney), all he can do now is pray that God shuts his heart down.  His oxygen is not doing him any good and he can no longer talk more than two or three words.  His lungs just can’t keep up and one of these days, he’s just going to exhale, and all will be over.  Soon.

I don’t have the words in me tonight (it’s so late and sleeping pill is kicking in) to write a proper memorial to my wonderful grandpa, but I didn’t want the day to end without wishing him

A comfortable 86th birthday.

Born on Mother’s Day 86 years ago in 1924 – he has lived an amazing life as an amazing man.  He has shaped me in so many ways, just through his love and influence.  I love you Gpa, and I pray that God will grant you rest very soon.