Fidelity

Saturday, January 27, 2007

“Fidelity”

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better
**************************************************
First, this song caught my attention by the amazingly funky staccato chorus. I first saw Regina on Jay Leno (I was channel surfing between all 4 channels) and thought she was very hip, very fun. Now that it’s on the radio (XM Flight 26 rocks, as does The Point 99.9 FM) I hear it often, and was able to actually find out what she was singing about. I so relate to this song!

10 1/2 years ago, Jeremy and I met and began dating, and it lasted quite a long time. 3 weeks, in fact. Yep, that’s me…I was ready for commitment. I didn’t want to fall for this guy, because I had my own life to live back in Missouri. I never wanted to be married, have children, or live in Wyoming. Those were the 3 basic rules of my life, translating into me, me, me. Obviously, God had planned otherwise (without consulting me first, which I found quite rude). Anyway, I broke it off with Jeremy after 3 weeks for 2 reasons: 1. He was moving way too fast (I thought) and was awfully touchy. Not in a take-me-now sort of way, but he was under the impression that we needed to hold hands everywhere we went (which was a lot of places, because I swear to you he must have asked me out every single night of those 3 long weeks), he thought he should hug me when he dropped me off, and he even touched my neck once. Whoa, hold on there, pardner. Obviously, you don’t know who you’re dealing with. I am the queen of “no touching”. And anyone who isn’t aware of that isn’t very perceptive…enter Jeremy Mechels. Reason #2 – I so did not want to fall in love with this out of touch man and lose out on my life as a single chick. A fat, depressed, searching, desperate, wandering single chick. All of that was very important to me, you know. I had major pity parties to throw, and I clearly did not have time to do anything but wallow. I certainly wasn’t going to allow some guy to come between me and my endless neediness.

So, (are you bored yet?) after one tiny week, I discover I can’t live without this dork. I don’t even know what it was about him that attracted me to him. He was overweight, balding, had no fashion sense, and he had HUGE hands. That was a major concern of mine while I was trying to tell myself prior to “the breakup” why I just couldn’t give him the time of day.

Very long story made abrubtly short…we had our first kiss (which was very wet and slobbery…why was I attracted again?) on the day we were engaged, which was 1 month after getting back together. 4 months later, we entered into marital bliss. I know, insane, huh? Who the heck gets married to someone they’ve only known for half a year? No one with their head screwed on straight, I’ll tell ya that much. The only possible explanation for our now 10 year amazing, wonderful, fun, sensual, spiritual, frustrating and exilirating marriage is God. We both figured out together how we were going to accomplish breaking our crazy family tree – riddled with divorce, half siblings, a hundred different last names and children caught smack dab in the middle. We were going to make Christ the number one priority in our marriage. And we were going to do everything within our power to center our life, every single aspect of it, around God and His will. I know we’ve failed countless times, but I also know we’ve been faithful. God has blessed our marriage tremendously for that, and continues to every single second of our relationship. God does know what He’s doing, soooooooooooo much better than us. We are so powerless over our tomorrow that we cannot even begin to fathom His amazing grace, mercy, will and sacrifice. I’m not convinced we will ever be fully aware of all He does for us, even living with Him in eternity. At that point, all of this will be forgotten by us. Forgotten and suddenly unimportant. Wow…

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