tread lightly.

First, a memorial program for the funeral of Grandpa Tweed.  Next, a Christmas card from Jeremy reminding me that he ‘loves me more than anything or anyone on this earth’.  Then, a blank Father’s Day card I printed for my Dad many years after his death.  A real estate brochure depicting the beautiful house of a dear friend who would soon move away.  A birthday card that says ‘God put me here for a purpose’.  Two more birthday cards, one of them filled with flowery words from a wonderful friend who isn’t flowery at all.  An old Snoopy card from my son where he writes ‘you are specel’.  Another card from my hubby thanking me ‘for everything I do’.  Yet another from my oldest friend, and she includes the surprise ‘I’m next =)’ revealing her first pregnancy.  More cards from Jeremy, one of which states ‘I’m the woman who keeps him from being a complete savage…unless I’d like to do the savage thing.  That fine him.’  Finally, a worn envelope addressed to ‘Jeremy, Michelle and Jonathan’.  In the corner, someone else wrote ‘This was in some of my mom’s stuff’, referring to his recently passed mother.  Inside, the sweetest note telling us how much she loved us.  Even while dying, she had the forethought to write her loved ones a goodbye letter.  Attached is the program from her funeral; a funeral I cancelled a flight for as I was asked to sing a solo, and was so honored to be considered.  Last thing in the envelope – a newspaper article highlighting our pastor’s final sermon after 28 years of shepherding his tiny congregation of 80+ sheep.

Wonderful cards from wonderful friends and family.  Why can’t I enjoy them?  I really want to just sit down for a good cry, but who the heck has time or energy for that?  I know I’m PMSing, so it’s natural my emotions are swaying sharply left and right.  For the second time in a week, I’ve managed to lock my keys in my car.  The first time it was a mere inconvenience, taken care of with my mother-in-law’s generosity in loaning me her vehicle and my husband’s eventual homecoming armed with a coat hanger.  This time?


I’m just pissed.   Jeremy is of course gone.   I still haven’t even returned my mother-in-law’s car yet because I’m not done cleaning it out after a weekend full of 12 year olds!  She has stuff that needs to be done, I’m up to my ears in paperwork and tax prep, and my keys are tauntingly dangling from the ignition!  Oh. My. Gosh.  My once clean house is now a wreck again, I’m behind on laundry, I’m exhausted, I’m sore from working out and I’m so freaking hungry because I’ve been eating nothing but salad for 2 straight days!  To top it off, my new computer monitor is crapping out on me, my business checks won’t print for some stupid reason, and I want to pull all of my hair out!  Not just out of frustration, either.  Have I mentioned lately I hate my hair??!

Seriously, where is the Calgon Man???????  Cuz you know he can’t wait to hang around me.

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