Thursday, August 10, 2006
Oops, I Did It Again
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Lamentations 3:22-24, Because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. (NIV)
Time for everybody to go to bed, I commanded in a very dramatic fashion.
But its still light outside, my children protested.
I had no idea what time the clock said and frankly I didnt care. Bedtime was going to rescue me from this disaster of an evening, and Id had enough.
What started out as a relaxing afternoon of lying on the couch indulging myself in a good book, ended in total chaos. Three sentences into the first page, my three happy daughters who had been playing in the yard came thundering into the house having turned into grumpy, hot, messy creatures, intent on wreaking havoc in my sanctuary.
Mom, my straw busted through the bottom of my drink, one cried as she carried the dripping cup of sticky orange liquid through the living room, through the kitchen and parked in front of me on the den carpet. I jumped from the couch, grabbed the drink, and turned to find another creature standing behind me, her new church outfit covered in mud. Then started the whining in the kitchen from one staring down at the crock pot, Why cant we be like normal families and eat out at restaurants? We always eat at home. I gave up on the book reading and with a frustrated huff called everyone to an early dinner.
To add even more drama to my bedtime announcement, I concluded by saying that after they got ready for bed they should go sit on their beds and moan. for the Bible says that the Holy Spirit will lift up prayers on our behalf if all we can do is moan.
So, the Holy Spirit will be tucking you into bed tonight. I am done! I turned, grabbed the book I never got to read, and marched off to my bedroom. Mommy was putting herself in time out!
Okay, I don’t know about you moms out there, but the above situation is totally me-unfortunately. Those of you who talk to me on a regular basis are well aware of the days when my kids seem to do everything to set me off, stress me out or further drive me mad. Why on earth can’t an 8 year old and a 2 year old see that they are turning me into a berserko?????? Probably because that is not their job…it’s mine.
I am told over and over and over again in scripture to turn my crap over to Christ, to lean on Him instead of myself or others, and to find His truth in His word-and then obey. From what I can tell, it’s my responsibility completely to keep myself sane based on His promises. It’s not my husband’s job, my kids’ job or my friends’ job. I alone am responsible for myself and my actions. If I am to live a godly life, teach my kids how to lead a godly life and encourage my husband to lead a godly life, the only way to accomplish that is to ask God to be my everything. My portion. My substance. My sanity. My life.
I can’t get there on my own. I have no power to overcome the swell of emotions that ebb and flow every 28 days or so. I am not capable of controlling clinical depression. But I am able, through Christ, to turn over every single thought that enters my head, including those that say, “Why can’t I just get some time to myself?!” One thing I have learned to apply to my life is an actual time out for myself. All it takes is calmly telling the kids to go to their rooms while Mom cools down, then 10 minutes or so of searching His word for His portion. It’s there. 24/7. Trust me – I know.