God was in a funky mood

Deb came over for lunch today – or should I say she brought lunch today.  Came over for implies that I provided/served/prepared lunch.  None of those apply.  Along with lunch, she brought Mik’s dog, Oscar, and Dan’s girlfriend’s dog, Porkchop.  Confused yet?  Goodness gracious, keep up.  Anyway, I had not met Porkchop, and Oh.  My.  Gosh.  He is the cutest thing, in a hideous sort of way.  First time I’ve seen a bulldog in person…yes, I see them on tv all the time. I was so not prepared for what was to come.  He looks like a brick house on feet, and walks just the same.  His tongue is so long, it’s not even possible for him to hold it in his mouth.  He literally had a stream of slobber running down said tongue – like his own little serenity fountain.  But he breathed.  And breathed.  And breathed.  And again with the breathing.  So annoying!  So loud!  Such a noise that you cannot tune it out.  Every single breath that enters that dog’s lungs and exits out of his mouth is a snort.  Yes, a snort, as in “suuuueeey!”.  Pigs are not this loud.  Pigs are not this nails-on-a-chalkboard excruciating to be in the same room as.  This dog never stops.  That’s how he breathes.  His nose is completely smashed into his frontal lobe, so the only way for air to get through is via his brain – and we all know how bumpy the brain is.  Oh my gosh.  Insane.  You just watch.  The dog will be dead come July…

Dan, you’re gonna have some ‘splainin to do!

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